Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
