walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
