You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
