Pappa wants mamma naked
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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