Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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