You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up under a house in Key West
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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