guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
no, he came in my armpit
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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