I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
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Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
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I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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