So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
