i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
