Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
