Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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