just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
