I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
