I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
