Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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