He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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