so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
