who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It was confusing and full of hummus
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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