She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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