Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
