To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
