wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
