It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
