He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There's always time for handjobs
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize