And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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