I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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