Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
