Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
