so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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