So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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