I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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