Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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