my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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