she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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