Say something about gay babies.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
