I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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