That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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