do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Non-Jews are for practice
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize