she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
