she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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