Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
