tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I AM VODKA MAN
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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