How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
