i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
we're so committed to being not committed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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