it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
