You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
