If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
