dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
