I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
The adults are the big ones right?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
