my mouth tastes like poor choices
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
