Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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