I'm going to jail i love you
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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