i jhust puked up my retainher.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
