i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
