I want to make a zoo with you.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Please don't give away my fajitas
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
