i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
