if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
