i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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