And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Is it penis luge time yet?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
