worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
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I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
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I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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