Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
