i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
