I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
