how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
