Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
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You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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