Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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