I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
