Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
