I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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