Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
