Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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