when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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