I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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