This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
