Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
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I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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