My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
