DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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